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It sounds like there’s some kind of problem with the way you have the wiring loom hooked up. One wire in the wrong spot can cause all sorts of mayhem, even in an older car like yours with its relatively wimple wiring. Grab a circuit diagram and try to find out which wire is connected to the wrong terminal.
The other possibility is that the actual light switch has failed internally, allowing the wrong wires to contact each other, or causing them to fail to connect altogether. If you can’t figure it out, it should be a fairly simple and quick fix for an auto electrician to sort.
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There’s clearly no point in talking sense to you, your head is in a complete muddle. You want a fix for your mid-life crisis, yet you talk about resale value, warranty, fixed-price servicing and boring stuff like that. You need to think about what it is you want from your “sporty-ish” car, do you want a performance car that will be thrilling to drive, or are you a park-and-poser and just want to look good when you stop at the café for a latte. The VW Golf GTi is a thrill-a-minute hot hatch; you like the i30N, and both would be good buys. Buy the Lux if you decide on the i30N. You could also think about a BMW M3, or an older Porsche Boxster. I wouldn’t suggest a Commodore SS or a Falcon XR6T ute, they’re a bit boring.
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