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If a Jaguar owner fell through a wormhole from 2003, the company they bought their car from would be almost unrecognisable. Back then, it was a bewildering mess making an odd assortment of cars, yet to emerge into the light after Ford's confused and debilitating period of ownership.
Why 2003? Fifteen years is a nice round number and pre-dates the arrival of the brand-saving XF.
Today, Jaguar has three SUVs, and the gorgeous F-Type, the XE, its second-generation XF and the big XJ. It has three SUVs (the F-Pace, E-Pace and I-Pace) because without them Jaguar would be a niche manufacturer before long, because big sedans, formerly the brand's trademark, are continuing their gentle decline. Oddly enough, one of the market segments contracting even faster than sedans is wagons.
So what better time to launch into a draining pool from the three-metre board than now? Jaguar has bravely taken that risk and brought us the puzzlingly named XF Sportbrake.
In 15 years as a car reviewer there have been plenty of super luxurious cars and there has been plenty of people moving. But not many super luxurious people movers. Until now. Until the Lexus LM 500h.
This people mover costs a quarter of a million dollars. And if that caught your attention you probably also want to know what that buys you. My family and I found out when we lived with the LM 500h Ultra Luxury for a week.
With that iron fist wrapped in a velvet glove wrapped in bubble wrap engine, excellent ride and gorgeous looks, the XF Sportbrake ticks all the boxes. Apart from the entry price and options prices, there are few objective reasons not to buy the car. It's just as good as any of its German competition and arguably the prettiest of the lot.
Should Jaguar have taken the dive? Given the XF Sportbrake is a luxury wagon done right, yes.
The Lexus LM 500h is luxurious, comfortable, practical, easy to drive and expensive. While it may appear to be the ultimate family car, with only four seats it's limited in terms of how many kids and their friends you can carry. On top of that, the privacy screen introduces accessibility issues to the kids you wouldn't encounter on other vehicles. If you are thinking of a Lexus people mover as your next family car I'd suggest looking at the LM 350h which has seven seats and no privacy screen. If you’re looking at a business class executive van the LM 500h would be perfect.
The second-generation XF is a very pretty car. A few carmakers have a had a crack at that four-door coupe idea, but Jaguar's Ian Callum got it right first go. You might expect the wagon to be a bit dumpy but it's far from it. That's not to say wagons can't be good looking - many are better-looking than the car they're based on (the weirdly proportioned Golf wagon being the exception to the rule). The XF sedan just looks right.
Anyway, the Sportbrake is basically the same until behind the B-pillar, with the roof continuing on to steeply raked tailgate glass. Obviously the lights are different back there but it's a nicely integrated job, it doesn't look like a dodgy extension. Rolling on the optional 20-inch wheels it looks amazing - low, long and well-proportioned. Unfortunately, it's more than vaguely hearse-like in black (the only First Edition colour).
Inside is standard XF, with the obvious exception of the rear seats and the big open load area. With this First Edition's glass roof the cabin seems infinite. Either way it's big and comfortable, although fit and finish could be a bit tighter.
The LM 500h doesn't look real. More like a concept vehicle with its vertical face wearing that enormous grille. Feels like if you watched it for long enough you’d catch it transforming into some kind of robot. Yet, at the same time its styling is elegant and prestigious.
I have a confession to make. I used this Lexus as my office. Its interior is that comfortable and spacious. I'm also a parent and there were times where it was the quietest place to get some work done.
It also let me observe people's reactions as they walked past with their dogs not knowing what was going on inside behind those tinted windows. The people that noticed were clearly car enthusiasts as they knew what they were looking at and couldn't pass without gaping it awe.
The LM 500h’s interior is superbly plush with thick carpets, beautiful copper metallic trim and nappa leather seats.
As I’ve said, the cockpit up front is less luxurious than the extravagant first class section in the back behind that dividing wall.
And yes, I’ve seen large screens before but nothing that stretches the width of the vehicle.
Front and rear passengers enjoy plenty of space. Storage includes a not-quite-big-enough-for-a-phone tray ahead of the rotary dial gear selector and a pair of cupholders. Those in the rear have plenty of space, except for the middle seat occupant who must straddle a stout transmission tunnel. The rear armrest holds a pair of cupholders and the doors have slim pockets.
The boot holds 565 litres with the seats in place and "up to" 1700 litres with the seats down - that latter figure does not feel like a VDA number.
You might be able to take Lexus out of Toyota but it's very hard to take Toyota out of Lexus and this particularly applies to the practicality of the LM 500h.
Every day I discovered new compartments, tray tables and storage areas. There are so many cabinets, lockers and hidey holes that we almost left my belongings (an entire family of plushie toy capybaras) behind because there are so many places to check.
Of course, I'm talking about the rear compartment here because up front there's not much storage. In fact, it proved to be quite a problem in that I had nowhere to put my bag with somebody sitting next to me and no area behind the front seats to stow it, either.
Talking of seats, the LM 500h only has four of them, with two up front and two in the rear. Up front, the seats are supportive and large, but the rear seats - those are, well... have a look at the images.
We’re talking two large captain's chairs that look as though they’ve been removed from the first class section of a plane.
And while this might be suitable for businesses shuttling a couple of executives to and from meetings, for a family, even with two children, the extra couple of seats a third row offers would come in handy.
The LM 350h has seven seats over three rows and no privacy screen. A far better choice for families.
For device charging there are USB ports up front and in the rear. There are wireless phone chargers for those in the back seats but not up front.
The LM 500h has a cargo capacity of 752 litres with all seats in place.
Over the years the XF has edged its way upmarket and is now playing with the Germans in the big luxury segment. And as is now customary for Jaguar, the Sportbrake is available in First Edition guise. First Editions are available for a model's first year of production and are usually based on the top-spec (in the Sportbrake's case, that's the 30d S) with a few extra bits and pieces to make things interesting.
While the 30d S retails for $123,450, the FE weighs in at $137,300. For that you'll waft out of the showroom with 19-inch alloys, dual-zone climate control, a huge panoramic glass roof with gesture-activated roof blind, around-view camera, front and rear parking sensors, 11-speaker Meridian-branded stereo with DAB, sat nav, head-up display, electric gesture-activated tailgate, keyless entry and start, rear air suspension, auto LED headlights, auto wipers, leather trim and a space-saver spare.
Jaguar Land Rover's 'InControl' media system is presented on a whopping 12.3-inch screen and, as ever, is steadily improving but goes without Apple CarPlay and Android Auto. The sound is, as you might expect, pretty good.
Our car had a few options fitted. 'Active Safety Pack' (see below), carbon-fibre trim ($3470), driver and passenger memory pack ($3210, including perforated leather trim), 20-inch wheels upgrade ($2790), cold-climate pack ($2540), illuminated metal treadplates ($2110), privacy glass ($950), 'InControl Protect' ($630), configurable interior lighting ($540), nets and rails ($390 and $320 respectively), extra power socket ($240) and 'InControl Apps' ($100). Most of it is cosmetic and/or unnecessary and took us to $158,950.
And there is still a plethora of boxes to tick.
The Lexus LM 500h sits at the top of its range and is without a doubt one of the most expensive people movers on Earth with its list price of $220,888.
As you would imagine the standard features list is as extensive as it is extravagant.
For starters, while the regular LM 350h has two rows of seating in the rear (seven seats all up, including the front two), the 500h has the third row removed and just two super luxurious and enormous fully reclining seats fill the entire space. It’s like a theatre back there.
That theatre theme keeps going with a media screen in the back so large it stretches the width of the vehicle. Seriously, it's a 48-inch screen to watch movies or connect to your device.
The sound system is probably the best I’ve experienced - a spine tinglingly incredible 23-speaker Mark Levinson set-up.
What else can I tell you? Those rear seats are upholstered in beautifully soft semi-aniline leather. They’re heated and ventilated with a massaging function and... ridiculously comfortable.
There’s four-zone climate control, windows which have an electronic shade that turns the glass opaque, there are wireless phone chargers in the doors and carpet throughout so thick you sink down into it as you step inside.
Our LM 500h was upholstered in the 'Solis White' leather which also brings contrasting and mesmerising copper metallic trim.
Oh, and there’s a wall with an electric glass screen that can be raised or lowered to separate the rear passengers from the driver.
I should have mentioned this earlier. The kids loved it, but these parents spent a lot of time telling the 10- and three-year old not to put the screen up again.
The rear occupants, aka the kids, can also lock the screen in place. Which they did, and so sound proof is the dividing wall that we can only just hear their uproarious laughter.
Up front, the cockpit is comfortable but it’s clear all the space and luxury is for those being driven around.
Still, the front seats are leather with heating and ventilation, there’s a 14-inch media screen and 12.4-inch digital instrument cluster, plus a head-up display. Sat nav, Apple CarPlay and Android Auto are also standard.
The First Edition ships with Jaguar's 3.0-litre twin-turbo diesel V6. Good for 221kW and a prodigious 700Nm, power heads to the rear wheels via an eight-speed ZF automatic.
With all that power and torque, the XF Sportbrake cracks 100km/h from rest in 6.6 seconds.
The air suspension means you can tow up to 2000kg with a braked trailer.
The LM 500h is a petrol-electric hybrid with a 2.4-litre four-cylinder turbo-petrol engine which makes 202kW/460Nm and works in concert with two electric motors.
The front motor makes 64kW/292Nm and the rear makes 76kW/169Nm. The combined maximum power output of the two motors and the petrol engine is 273kW.
The LM 500h is all wheel-drive and has a six-speed automatic transmission.
Jaguar claims a combined-cycle figure of 5.9L/100km. Our time with it was mostly shuttling around the suburbs with a couple of highway runs and we managed a respectable 8.3L/100km.
Lexus says after a combination of urban and open roads the LM 500h should use 6.6L/100km. In our own testing we found consumption was higher at 9.4L/100km.
Worth noting my driving environment was mainly a hilly suburban one filled with school drop offs. Achieved some personal bests this week, with one long run to Sydney’s outskirts, only to return in nightmarish peak hour traffic.
Premium (95 RON) fuel is required and the tank size is 60 litres. In theory the driving range is a smidge more than 900km, which drops to around 640km using our real-world average.
There's no getting away from the size and heft of the Sportbrake. Where a four-cylinder sedan comes in under 1600kg - not bad for an almost five-metre-long car - up here at the top it's well over 1800kg. With big wheels and a long wheelbase it's not going to win any wards for manoeuvrability, with a big turning circle and a length that's challenging to shopping centre car parks.
The 3.0 V6 twin-turbo is a fantastic unit. It can be a bit noisy when cold but it's super smooth and with all that torque it crushes overtaking with little need for advanced planning. The Sportbrake wafts along, lazily turning over in traffic and keeping the vibe calm.
Despite those big wheels, the ride is excellent. Even when in Sport mode, it's a rare bump or surface that will cause drama. It's very comfortable and very quiet, almost to the level of the XJ limo.
If you do fancy a bit of amusement, the V6 and well-sorted chassis are ready to play. In reality, Sport mode is where both myself and my wife left the car the whole time we had it. Both of us found the steering a little too light and preferred the more lively throttle response. The XF features torque vectoring using the brakes and coupled with a well-judged stability and traction control system, it delivers a good impression of a sporty sedan.
But the XF is best when you keep it relaxed. Both in town and in the cruise, it's a lovely, quiet place to be and a relaxing, undemanding drive.
Only a couple of things were annoying - the light steering we've already covered. The heated windscreen was more reflection-prone so the head-up display could be hard to see in some lighting conditions. And sometimes it beeped for no apparent reason, which I eventually traced to the blind-spot warning.
Quite simply, driving the LM 500h is like piloting a limousine on stilts. Superbly comfortable, but with an elevated driving position that offers outstanding forward and side visibility, the LM 500h is an easy vehicle to drive for long periods of time.
A digital rear vision mirror means visibility behind is good and unobstructed by the privacy screen or the seats.
The drawbacks are down to the lack of space up front, with the driver’s chair limited in its ability to recline or slide back due to the bulkhead behind it.
And that's compounded by the lack of cabin storage for bags if the front passenger seat is taken.
As for the rear passengers there aren't many people movers offering this level of comfort, except perhaps the Zeekr 009.
Variable suspension that adjusts continuously keeps the vehicle composed and provides a high level of comfort for those in the rear. At the same time, the LM stays nice and flat through roundabouts while remaining civilised over speed bumps.
And then there's the acceleration, which, while not supercar-like is incredibly brisk for a van. The all-wheel drive system provides outstanding traction in wet and slippery conditions, too.
Our family used the LM daily for everything from school runs to shopping trips and weekends away and not only was it fun to drive, our lucky rear passengers enjoyed sitting high and being able to see clearly out their windows along with the luxury of a giant movie screen.
The XF comes with six airbags, ABS, stability and traction controls, forward AEB, reversing camera, lane-departure warning, and tyre-pressure monitoring.
For child seats you've a choice of three top-tether anchors or two ISOFIX points.
Our car had the $4360 Active Safety Pack, which adds blind-spot monitoring, reverse cross traffic alert, lane-keep assist, adaptive cruise and driver-attention detection. If you were to ask me, this little lot should be standard at this level.
Despite that, the XF scored a maximum five ANCAP stars following assessment in 2015.
The Lexus LM 500h is yet to be tested by ANCAP so it doesn't have a safety assessment score. There is, however, a high level of safety tech onboard including AEB which can detect pedestrians, cyclists, motorcyclists and other vehicles, emergency steering assist, lane keeping assistance, road sign recognition, rear cross-traffic alert, front and rear parking sensors as well as six airbags.
For child seats there are ISOFIX points and top tether anchor mounts on the two rear seats. We have a forward facing child seat and found it easy to install.
A space-saver spare wheel is located under the boot floor.
Jaguars are offered with a three-year/100,000km warranty with a matching roadside-assist package. You can purchase a five-year/130,000km service plan for an oddly reasonable $2200. Even more reasonable are the service intervals - 12 months or 26,000km (!).
Lexus covers the LM 500h with a five-year, unlimited kilometre warranty.
The Lexus Encore Platinum program is complimentary for LM owners for three years, providing 24-hour roadside assist, a loan vehicle or pick-up/return service at service time, 'On Demand' vehicle evaluation options, valet and airport parking benefits as well as exclusive offers and event opportunities.
Servicing is recommended annually or every 15,000 kilometres, and impressively, pricing is capped at $695 per service over five years.